


Pavlovian Boner

by atari_writes



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M, IT'S ALL CRACK, Sexual References, so ridiculous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-21 08:39:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14281173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atari_writes/pseuds/atari_writes
Summary: jim notices that a certain nickname evokes a consistently interesting response in bones





	Pavlovian Boner

The first time Jim hears you call Bones “Lee,” Bones has you bent over his desk in his office, one hand bunching up your skirt around your waist, and the other tangled in your hair. Jim just came to get a signature from Bones for a medical release, and he was definitely not expecting to get an eyeful of southern ass. He stands frozen in shock for a moment, but at the sound of Bones’ grunt and your whine of “Lee” he’s throwing up in his mouth a little and running from the room.

The second time he hears it, he’s just trying to clear up some of your sloppy handwriting on a form. He really didn’t ask to keep hearing you two going at it like frickin rabbits in public places on his ship. He has a hand up, ready to knock on the door of your tiny office in the lab, when he hears it again. “Lee!” The sound of your moan has him grimacing. “Seriously?” he grunts. He turns on his heel and hurries away, trying not to listen to the sounds of another creaking desk.

The next day he’s on the bridge, musing about the fact that he’s spent a ridiculous amount of time around the two of you, but he’s never heard you call Bones “Lee” before. He has a theory. A few hours later, he has a chance to test it.

Bones strolls onto the bridge, typing something on his PADD. “Jim, we need to do a last minute checkup for the extended mission next week. I have a few things to clear up.” He glances up. “If you’re not too busy, that is.” He scans the lounging captain and raises an eyebrow. 

Jim smirks. “Sure, doc, whatever you say.” Bones nods and turns to leave. “See you in Medbay. Lee.”

Bones flinches and stops dead. He turns and Jim raises an eyebrow. He opens his mouth, then glances down and grimaces. Jim sits up and follows Bones’ stiff movements off the bridge and into the lift. Interesting. Jim smirks and relaxes back into the chair. This was going to be so much fun.

A few days without incident has Jim practically buzzing. So when he finds Bones lounging behind the tiny bar in the Officer’s Lounge, sipping on whiskey and perusing a medical journal, he smirks. “So, Bones, how’s everything going in the Medbay?”

Bones pauses and narrows his eyes, watching as Jim slides on to a stool across from him and pours himself a glass. Bones slowly turns the page of the journal, his eyes still trained on Jim’s faint smirk. “Things are just fine…Why?”

Jim can’t contain his smirk as he sips his own glass. “No reason, just wanted to make sure you’re in tip top shape.”

The doctor grunts. “Everything’s fine.”

The door hisses open and both men turn to see Spock in the doorway. He nods at Bones, then starts toward Jim. “Captain, we seem to have a problem on the bridge that requires your attention.”

Jim sighs. “Well, Lee. I guess we’ll just have to continue our conversation later.” He slams his empty glass back on the counter and smirks. 

Bones flushes. “Dammit, man,” he says gruffly.

Spock raises an eyebrow. “Actually, the doctor’s presence may be beneficial as well, Captain.”

Jim smiles. His day just keeps getting better. “Okay, then. Let’s get going, Bones.”

Bones curls his hands into fists and rests them on the counter, his head bowed and eyes shut. “Dammit—I’ll be right up.”

Spock looks at the grinning captain, then to the clearly distressed doctor. “Is everything alright, Leonard?” Bones just grunts. Spock looks back to the captain. “Also, I don’t believe I’ve ever heard this shortened from of your name. Lee? Is this new?”

Bones exhales. “Dammit, just leave! I’m right behind you.”

Spock looks like he needs clarification, but Jim just slaps him on the shoulder. “Come on, Spock. The good doctor needs a minute to, uh—“ he clears his throat. “Calm down.”

Bones looks at Jim like he’s trying to burn holes right through his forehead. “See you in a few, Lee.” He winks. Bones starts like he wants to strangle Jim, but doesn’t move from behind the bar. Jim escorts a confused Spock out of the room, but not before he hears Bones open his comm.

“Y/N, I need you to come up to C Deck.” He says in a low voice, and Jim smirks, feeling incredibly pleased with himself. And, honestly, a little grossed out.

The next time Bones pops a boner because of his nickname, it isn’t Jim. It’s Spock. They’re arguing on the bridge about something—honestly Jim isn’t paying much attention—when Spock brings out the big guns. “Actually, Lee, an ensign under your command has no say in that.”

Bones flounders for a bit, trying to recover his response, and Spock just smirks a little and does his Vulcan eyebrow raise. Jim is exceedingly impressed, and quite amused at Bones’ expression. Bones looks between Spock and Jim. “Unbelievable.” He mutters. He shifts his lower half. Then promptly turns and walks off the bridge. Spock smirks at Jim, then turns back to his PADD. 

You curse and trip over your discarded boots, nearly falling to the floor. “Shit—motherfucker.” You’re trying desperately to reach the zipper of your dress over your shoulder without help. 

Bones knocks on the bedroom door. “You need help in there, Darlin’?” 

You grunt. “Got it!” You pull the zipper all the way up and snag your heels and pull them on, hopping to the door to swing it open.

Bones is standing in the doorway, looking distraught. He scans you and groans. “Come on, Darlin’, let’s not go.” He pulls you in by your waist and rests his forehead on your shoulder. “Let’s just stay, let me peel that dress off.”

You roll your eyes. “Not this again. Leonard, come on. We’re just headed to that bar. It’s supposed to be fun.” You didn’t know what had gotten into him this past week. Several days he’d come back to your shared quarters irritated and muttering something about Jim being a bastard before throwing you onto the nearest flat surface and fucking you. Not to mention that one time he’d comm’d you in the middle of the day practically begging you to go suck him off in the Officer’s Lounge. Not that you were complaining about any of it, but it was a little weird. 

You just rub his shoulders and push him back gently. “Come on, baby. We’ll just go for a few hours, then we’ll come back. Promise.”

He just sighs and steps back, running a hand through his hair. “Fine.”

You press a kiss to his cheek and squeeze his hand. “It’ll be fun.”

He just grunts and sighs.

The night didn’t exactly go as planned, but you couldn’t say that you didn’t have fun. You’re lounging in a booth, pressed up against Bones in the back of some dive on the planet the Enterprise was docked on. Spock and Uhura were sitting opposite you, and Jim was straddling the back of a chair at the end of the table. 

“Oh! I’ve got another one.” Jim smirks and leans forward, resting his arms on the chair back. 

Uhura rolls her eyes. “I don’t think we’re drunk enough yet for another one of your jokes, Kirk.”

You laugh. “I dunno, I’m pretty drunk—try me out, Captain.” You wink and Jim smirks. Bones tightens his arm around your waist and grunts.

“Okay, so how many Klingons does it take to change a lightbulb?” He looks around the table expectantly, and you giggle. “I dunno, how many?”

Jim smirks. “Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab him in the back and take all the credit.”

Uhura and Spock groan simultaneously, and you break into uncontrollable alcohol-induced giggles. Jim seems pleased by your response and laughs at your response before looking over at your boyfriend, who’s rolling his eyes and taking a sip of his drink. “What’s wrong, didn’t like the joke, Lee?”

You sit up in alarm, suddenly sober, and Bones splutters into his drink. He slams it on the table and starts coughing uncontrollably, all while giving Jim the nastiest look he can manage. You look back to Jim, who’s looking incredibly pleased with himself.

Bones finally catches his breath. “Goddammit, Jim. Would you stop with that already?”

Jim rolls his eyes. “You know, I wouldn’t even know about it if you two weren’t so keen on fucking in public places!”

Uhura chokes on a peanut and your face flushes. “What the hell are you talking about?” You demand, squeezing Bones’ leg in a panic.

Jim throws his hands out at you. “You guys just go at it in his office! I mean, what the hell?”

Spock raises his eyebrow. “That is unwise, Y/N. Anyone could walk in.”

“I did walk in! I saw Bones’ ass! I’m the victim here!” Jim sounds almost hysterical. 

You roll your eyes. “Come on, Jim. You’re being a little overdramatic.”

Bones splutters, “You walked in on us?”

“Yes! It was horrifying! So forgive me if I exact my revenge, Lee.”

Bones tightens his grip on you. It finally clicks. This is what’s been getting on Bones all week, and it’s the reason that he didn’t wanna come tonight. You hadn’t realized you’d conditioned him by only calling him that during sex—and you didn’t anticipate your own arousal at hearing it. Shit.

You squeeze Bones’ thigh again. You turn your head and he’s so close you can smell his aftershave. You bite back a groan. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” He looks confused, but nods, trying to subtly adjust himself in his pants. You slide off the booth as gracefully as possible, straightening your dress. You nod at them. “Boys. Uhura.” You turn to Bones. “Lee,” your voice sounds desperate, even to you, but the hungry look in his eyes banishes your embarrassment. You turn and head to the restrooms, and you can hear Bones curse and slide out after you.

Then Jim: “Goddammit! That’s exactly the opposite of what I wanted!”

You smirk and stumble into the bathroom, Bones pushing in after you. He slams the door and locks it, then slams you against the wall. Not as planned, but you told him you’d have fun.


End file.
